‘Tis the season when we all scramble to maintain gift-giving equilibrium.
“He gave me something last year, so I need to give back.”
“Her gift was about $50, so mine should be too.”
This instinct runs deep—behavioral scientists have long recognized reciprocity as one of the fundamental principles driving human behavior. But some of the most powerful giving happens when we deliberately break free from the short-term reciprocity trap.
Early in my career, a senior developer spent several hours helping me understand a gnarly debugging technique.
I tried to reciprocate immediately: “That was super helpful. Is there something I can help you with?”
He just smiled and said, “Nah, I’m not keeping score. Someday, when you’re in my position, help someone else learn something you know.”
He was pointing to what sociologists call generalized reciprocity, where benefits flow forward to new recipients rather than back to the original giver. This pattern turns out to be crucial for building strong professional communities and organizational cultures.
Adam Grant, in his research at Wharton, has found that the most successful professionals often follow this pattern—they’re givers who help others without keeping score, rather than matchers who carefully maintain reciprocity ledgers.
Think about your own career. Chances are, someone invested time in you when you couldn’t possibly give equal value back. A mentor who shared hard-won wisdom. A colleague who taught you crucial skills. A leader who took a chance on you before you’d proven yourself.
These asymmetrical investments create something more valuable than a transactional exchange—they build what organizational scholars call generalized exchange systems. When we help others without keeping score, we:
- Create psychological safety (no one fears being “in debt”)
- Encourage learning and growth (junior team members can focus on absorbing rather than repaying)
- Build long-term relationships (genuine gratitude lasts longer than obligation)
So as you start the new year, consider looking for opportunities to practice generalized reciprocity in your professional life:
- Spend time mentoring someone who can’t yet help you back
- Share your expertise without expecting immediate returns
- Make introductions for people early in their careers
- Give credit and visibility to junior team members
The beautiful thing about generalized reciprocity is that while it doesn’t guarantee direct returns, it strengthens the entire professional ecosystem you’re part of. Those junior developers you help today become tomorrow’s technical leaders. That startup founder you advise might create your next career opportunity. The knowledge you freely share enriches your whole professional community.
And our world needs strong, healthy, generous communities now more than ever!
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